06 Nov New results: between traumas and stories

The ones who lives in fear dies a thousand deaths, but the brave face it only once.- William Shakespeare

I’ve been more afraid of dying.Of living too.Especially of growing old.I’ve learned methods of relaxation that I know I can use at any time.I’ve learned the art of being able to observe my thoughts and feelings and feel good.This week I especially needed it.
It was a week full of twists and turns.If I hadn’t gone to the gynecologist, I wouldn’t have had all the tests done Friday.If I hadn’t arrived at noon at the imaging clinic I wouldn’t have seen the radiologist.She recognized me and came back to sign the report.I took the mammogram.BI-RAD 4.Possibility of breast cancer.I froze.
I showed it to mom when I got home and immediately sent it to Dr.Michele, who ordered an immediate biopsy.I had already had a tense Sunday because of the election, my body feeling bad, and then this news in the middle of Monday after the election?The day before I spent the day tense, praying that it would end well.I knelt at the foot of the bed, prayed the rosary, held it during all the counting.but at the turn of only 0.8% I was afraid of suffering depersonalization.
I remembered the trip to São Roque, I canceled everything, hotel, retreat, cab.
On the same day the roads were blocked by demonstrators angry with the election result, asking for Article 142, when even General Mourão had called Alckmim.
Mom took me for a biopsy and the same doctor who treated her for her cancer was there.
I arrived home with my left breast bandaged and with a message from Thalita saying that her dissertation had been approved.I looked at mine and yes, it had been approved.What an irony of fate, i thought, to have a biopsy on the day of the approval of the masters.I rested all afternoon and at night I had maria laura’s first mensary.Dad insisted that we take  tobby. I put on a brazilian outfit and the mensary was about  the world cup. When it was time for the couples to pose for the pictures I thought: yes, the best thing I have done was to accept my life.My brothers are happy with their families, so i am happy too.I looked at the table of sweets.I remembered that I had read that obesity and sugar helped in the development of cancer.I remembered the pain of anesthesia.I simply turned my back and left.
If it was positive I thought I would write another chapter about cancer and how the hours were really running out.But no, on Thursday I got the result that it was benign and I felt like I was getting another chance.2023 would be working out, working, writing, praying and who knows learning to love even more.